Naaaaaants ingoyaammaa… hem. Hem. Commence rant.

 Every animal worth their salt should watch The Lion King with disbelief, and finish it in mad anger at Disney’s political correctness. Beneath the veil of grasslands beauty and the magnificence of animals and especially lions, this film appears to be advocating for classism, oligarchy, and birthright as opposed to hard work and ambition. But most of all, we should storm Disneyland for its pacification of Timon and Pumba.

The turnaround from the philosophy of “hakuna matata’, to the uninspiring “circle of life” pseudolosophy (we like to make up words on this website), the polarization of two awesome individuals into the inheritance wars of an ineffective monarchy, their ‘salvation’ from a life of on-the-fly idealism, radical nonchalance (if that is a possible occurrence), and chili – flavoured puns and sarcasm, should be the reason why you will be admitted tomorrow for severe ulcers. But this post is meant for yelling at my TV because of Scar. The King Deservient.

We, consumers, should never forgive Disney for criminalizing Scar. For advocating for conservatism, in the face or radical and appropriate change. The kingdom (as opposed to, say, democracy) was under endorsed pillage by Mufasa and his squad, to whom cannibalism was slyly accepted in the guise of ‘food chain’ (Scar’s rodent lunch was ironically ruined in the opening scene). They sold this out shamelessly in the opening scene, with Zazu’s declaration of ‘you can’t eat a member of the King’s court!’. Excuse me, I need a glass of water. What is this?

Scar, you cannot eat a member of the King’s court – not at least, raw. Scar, if a member of the King’s court is on the menu, ensure your pot is boiling merrily away under the savannah sun, go to a farm and get you a small sackful of green onions, pluck off his feathers painstakingly one by one, and have him in the pot in no time at all. Stir, from time to time. But perharps, the Dodo can get off. Rafiki though!

Endorsementalism (we make up words on this website) and religious fundamentalism appear to be the pillars of the monarchy, especially when there is need to convince the populace that the wack son is ‘meant to be’. Rafiki’s endorsement of Simba and general convenience for the monarchy, including waking everyone in the grasslands to witness a cub being hoisted into the crisp morning air. What a thing to set an alarm for. Thank heavens the awesome hyenas were far off from all this dung.

Wait a minute…that there is a catch. The hyenas were exiled, were they not? Because why? Physique and food chain. Government exiles. And consequently, the silencing of a population with the more entertaining grammar and sarcasm. You know what. I am out.